This past year completely changed me as a person. I am a stronger and more confident woman than I was before. For starters, I transformed into calling myself a woman. That’s magic in itself. Especially since my mom thinks I go out of my way to look like a fourteen-year-old boy. At the beginning of the year, I stepped into a yoga class at the YMCA. I had done yoga a number of times prior, but this time was different. I walked out of this class in a cloud. Don’t laugh. Or laugh. It’s good for you.
My mind and body were taken to a place I had never felt before. After one of these classes from this wonderful teacher, I could stare at a tree for forty minutes and not have one worry in the world. Yoga brought me to meditation. I began to meditate everyday. My anxious worries that were constantly flickering in my mind slowly lessened. I began to learn about mindfulness, the powers of kindness, and stillness. This was huge for me because I tend to be on the more aggressive, blunt, and loud side.
Acting also began early last year for me. I re-found my love in something. Acting is crazy. It is absolute madness. The entertainment industry is all but predictable. The suffering that it has brought me equates to the fulfillment it has brought me. Being financially unstable is scary without a doubt. It is scarier when you know you can help it. Acting is beautiful to me. It is the most sincere form of empathy. When you perform through the eyes of another, you see that there is no space or distance between you and I. Only circumstance.
This industry is scary though. It’s scary because days or weeks may pass with no work. There is also some hidden concept somewhere that says to have a strong career in something like acting, you must suffer immeasurably. I stopped hanging out with friends because I had an audition the next day. I couldn’t afford to do fun things. A relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. Sacrifice was all I could see.
Working full time in Orange County, driving and commuting hours to any audition that may or may not last up to fifteen minutes was not sustainable. Not to mention, Orange County never felt like home. L.A. was only an hour away, but that hour in traffic could turn into four. Auditions. The number of times I was asked if I would be paid. Love something enough and you don’t need to be paid was my answer. I like to believe we all fall like that for things in our life.
Several months into the year, I realized that I needed to live in Los Angeles to have any hope for continuing my acting career. It was only rational. I did make the move to L.A. I did it in the most unorthodox way possible, but I did do it. I live in Hermosa Beach right now. I have fallen in love with this area the way I once fell in love with San Diego.
I don’t know if there’s any moral to my story, but it is truth. My truth. The “starving artist” excuse I used to stand by isn’t fair to me anymore. To all my artists and entrepreneurs out there… Do what you love, but do what you have to do too. I thought that to be successful in any venture I needed to give up everything. Love, money, and friends. That is no life though. To make it in life means to have balance.
I don’t want my life to pass me by because I have a dream. Yoga taught me to be content in each passing moment. This one here. Not to just live for what may be, because that moment may never come. Acting has given me the gift of understanding. In all my senseless missed steps along the way, I am hoping I am on the right path to finding my balance. Hope you are too. Peace.
Lex Aguirre
