My Phone is Killing Me

I am at work one day counting down the seconds until I am able to leave. The time is 10:45 and my shift ends at 11:00. 15 minutes. I look down at my phone. I check Instagram. I check Facebook. I check Twitter. I go through my messages. I check Snap Chat. Nothing new. I check my email. Promotion from trulia. Apple needs me update my billing method. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I look back at the time. 10:48. Seriously?! I just went through at least 7 different portals of worlds on this screen and it has only been three minutes. Time is going slower. My anticipation builds. I texted someone 9 minutes ago and still no response. Waiting for that. Waiting for this. Is this shift over yet?! Okay, Lex, put your phone down. The same thing is on there as before. Put it down. Put it down. Nothing to see here. Still on it. Why nothing to see. Put. Down.

I started to pay attention to how many times I was scrolling through my phone looking at nothingness. When I became aware of it, I realized I was doing it all the time. I also concluded that it would give me random triggers of anxiety. Someone texting you feels good. Sharing online can be fun. That is no secret. What is the hardest thing to understand or accept is that this virtual world is not real. Although it gives momentary feelings of satisfaction, it does not give us what a hug from our friend gives us. Texting someone doesn’t give us the satisfaction holding their hand does. Text shows only words, no feeling.

The pictures we post on our personal social pages, and we are all guilty of it, are of us in our brightest lights. Including me. Jack and Jill are ice skating in the beautiful mountains of Maine and I am watching Lion King alone in my room eating Yogurtland. What! That activity is actually one of my favorites, but still, there are so many times in the past when I have seen what other people are doing and I can’t help but feel like something is lacking. Comparing.

I staged a revolt! Sike. But I did get a flip phone. My own personal protest. I went to Verizon, got some cooky looks from the people that were there, and had my iPhone 6s converted to a UCStarcom ICE Flip Phone. I got lost the first day I had it on the way to Costco. What. Ever. I got a parking ticket that day too. Good sign. Things did feel slower with the flip phone though. I didn’t have limitless options at my finger tips. After I got the ticket, I wasn’t texting in frustration or tweeting something about my small misfortune. I just let it be. There was nothing I could do about it, and that was okay.

The next afternoon I got a call and there was blank static on my end. There went my valued UCStarcom flip phone. It lasted one day. I went back to my iPhone 6s where I can do any and everything. The convenience is amazing, but the anxiety is real. Being able to communicate with anyone at a moment’s notice and having the Internet so readily available is more powerful than we know. Take away the power and you just might take away some stress. I take breaks from social media. I still question whether I want to test the waters of the flip life again. My phone is definitely killing me. But at least I won’t get lost going to Costco again, just lost in this tiny screen. I’m not sure which is better.