T r i p p y f a c e – c r e a t i v e w r i t i n g
The fragments that make up our mind are like little sticky floating particles. Some of them have been traveling down the same path since we were kids. That same thought that brings you to the same conclusion over and over and over again. My dad calls this or some version of this in life, “Circle Jerk.”
As someone that has been trying to break the genetic makeup of “Circle Jerk” – I see it like this. A thought comes up then that thought takes you to another thought to another to another. It’s like this avalanche of thoughts and then it starts to produce emotion. How do you get to the end of the thought though – albeit it’s one you don’t exactly “prefer?” How do you get out of the circle?
Well, I have no fu****** clue. I’ll let you know if I do, but simply the noticing of the circle I am sure is the start. For example, this thought…
I am constantly torn between the need to work incredibly hard and give something all my energy and to be completely and perfectly still in each moment that is. To not wish for anything more. I am torn between the mind of a business man and that of a yogi. For the yogi tells me that things will pass, and I will be beautiful throughout so long as I keep breathing. But the businessman in me tells me to hustle and keep on pushing, push, push, push until I get what I want. I can tell you that in both I have found more of myself. It is balance of the two I suppose that can be right. But the business man in me says that I can do anything that I want with enough effort and to force things in the right way. The yogi in me says to let the leaf fall how it shall and what for my moment. Patience and grind. Can both exist? (This was written in 2017)
I am still trying to figure this out. Now, I am I guess somewhere more in the middle? Am I? Sure, yeah sure I am. SUREEEE… I am totally not obsessive personality. Mhmm.
Now I DO know I actually love to hustle, and I love to meditate and float like a golden light coming from the sky too. So where I was looking for an answer before – I suppose I am just more comfortable with the fact that there is no answer. There is only duality. That in which both are equally true and right for me. Woo! What a revelation? Right. Oh mind, oh you tricky tricky fool/ genius?
Duality. Both. Everything, at once?
I am everything then.
I am, you too?
Oh man it is getting deep. Down the rabbit hole we –
Welcome to the Circle. 🙂