written some time in 2018?
Right now, my little brother’s best friend is living in my dining room. He is 21 years old. He took some cool photos of himself earlier this year and got picked up by an insanely notable modeling agency. Since then (all in 2 months) he’s been picked up for commercials for HUGE brands. He’s flying out today to Portland to shoot a Nike spot. He took a big risk in coming to L.A. He didn’t think too much about the 1-year, the 5-year, the 10-year plan. He just acted on an opportunity.
He took the risk and he’s still very fresh on his path, but things are happening naturally for him. He isn’t forcing anything. He isn’t out sending his resume to all the biggest brands or going to modeling classes (do those exist?)
I am reading a book right now called, “Trying Not to Try.” It is about ancient Chinese philosophy and the art of letting things flow. It discusses the concept of “wu-wei” which is the act of “non-doing.” To give you some perspective, the character Winnie the Pooh, can be described as a master of wu-wei.
This past year, I have tried incredibly hard to be the absolute “best” version of myself. This means I stopped drinking alcohol, went vegan, threw out my vape pen, meditated twice a day for 20 minutes, read more than a few self-help books, and enforced strict once-a-week social media days. I figured that my habits are my life and once I had amazing habits, an amazing life would be sure to follow. I also was certain that this could only get me closer to my dreams of being a successful actress, and closer to the love that I want in life.
Little did I know… that even if I did everything “perfect” or “right,” things could still go incredibly wrong. I was still capable of practically losing my job, and losing a relationship that I really wanted. Even though I was doing everything “perfectly” my stars weren’t aligning. Who am I to say what is “perfect” anyways?
See, a lot of these old habits were things that felt natural and even after months and months, they still felt natural. I am not saying alcohol or vape pens are right. I am not saying vegan is wrong. I am saying that so many of these things I was restricting myself from felt right to do at many times. I was fighting harder to not do them than to just be. I believe it only contributed to my excessiveness, by going in the direction opposite. The abstinence was only feeding the excessivism (I am creating this word.)
Self-control makes me happy. It makes me proud of myself. I am going to look at self-control a little differently this time around though. I am going to be open to what life is already offering me. I am going to try and flow better. In regards to all of my NO can do habits, I am going to be gentle with myself, and know that it’s okay to let myself do things that I enjoy.
No one is perfect. No matter how hard you or I try and act in the right way, life is still going to happen. So I’ll let myself be beautifully imperfect. Most of all, I’ll let myself be. I’ll keep my eyes and ears peeled for what this life has to offer. I don’t want to put so much pressure on outcomes anymore. This blog just fell out of me. A good audition falls out of me. Some relationships come so easy. Some things, just, work without any work at all. How beautiful is that?
Maybe you’re already good at flow. I think most of us could use a reminder to let life happen a little easier. I also think I should be allowed to pop champagne bottles off a yacht for my 26th birthday in Miami this year, which I will be doing. Thank you very much.
Okay… The light within me honors the light within you. Peace.